Friday 28 August 2015

Wanted: Needs and Desires Part 1.

It is not everyday that you come across a person who can be at par of your level of kink.
I mean, who would have thought that the not-so-silent, uberly active debater, studious, highly spiritual individual is into kink? I am not  poser
It is not everyday that you come across a person who can be at par of your level of kink. 
I mean, who would have thought that the not-so-silent, uberly active debater, studious, highly spiritual individual is into kink? I am not  poser or a hypocrite trying to hide in a sheep's clothing but I think you would understand how we all have that three kinds of life: Public life, Private life, and a Secret life. Everyone has that skeleton on the closet we all try to hide with our very best. The reason why these skeletons exists is because these are our release. Release from stress, from sorrows, inhibitions and sometimes the door of our dreams from reality. Doors to our fantasies you would never have thought possible. 

Every human being has to fulfill each level of needs. As Maslow's have put it, he designed a hierarchy based on his reality of life and his studies as well. There are specific needs in Maslow's hierarchy of needs which encompasses the BDSM lifestyle and affects the other needs as well: security and love&belongingness. 

Love and that sense of belongingness. This is what everyone has been trying to achieve: to feel that love from people you hold dear and that sense of belongingness from your frienda and family. Not as outsider or an outcast. That feeling that you are wanted or needed despite your demons and horrors of reality. The feeling that you belong despite your peculiarity. The feeling that you are accepted despite all your broken pieces and cracked surface. This very feeling, this need, is what I felt when I indulged myself in the lifestyle. As a Switch myself, I've felt the need that I am needed when I am on.my dominant self or that I am wanted when I submit to my Dom. The dynamics gave me a new perspective in life and in myself that I never discovered in my past Vanilla relationships. Now please dont get me wrong. I am not saying that BDSM is the only avenue to feel this. Of course there are other avenues which you will feel this way. Believe me, I've tried a lot of Vanilla relationships but it all did not work. There was even a time when I had to given up this lifestyle just to have a normal relationship but it all did not work. 

Bondage 101


Thursday 27 August 2015

Of love gained and love lost Part 1

I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for quite sometime and experienced a lot of BDSM dynamics.
Of course, before I entered the BDSM lifestyle, I was in a VANILLA relationship. In fact, I've had few vanilla relationships before I entered the scene. Before BDSM was introduced to me, I've had relationships with men and women alike until I met this one man who introduced BDSM to me.

At first, I didn't really know that what we're doing is called BDSM or has BDSM dynamics on it. He just injected a bit of a role play in it: he will portray as my dad and I will be his baby girl. I wasn't comfortable at first because I imagined my dynamics with my dad... And I can't have sex with MY Daddy. Jeez. He tried his best to explain it that it's not incest and that I am not literally sexing my father (because he is not my father) but I am having a hard time internalizing the Daddy/babygirl dynamics so he changed it to Master/babygirl dynamics. And that's how I became a baby girl.

Saturday 8 August 2015

Is BDSM a SEXUAL Disorder??

A lot of people, people who are into the lifestyle or not, has been bothered by the question: Do I have a mental disorder if I'm into BDSM???

I think before we get into specifics, we must understand BDSM in a deeper context and analyze the things involved in the lifestyle.


According to DSM 5 of American Psychological Association, before a person is diagnosed by a sexual disorder or paraphilic disorder a person requires:


  • feel personal distress about their interest, not merely distress resulting from society’s disapproval; or 
  • have a sexual desire or behavior that involves another person’s psychological distress, injury, or death, or a desire for sexual behaviors involving unwilling persons or persons unable to give legal consent. 
To qoute DSM-V, "It is a subtle but crucial difference that makes it possible for an individual to engage in consensual atypical sexual behavior without inappropriately being labeled with a mental disorder. With this revision, DSM-5 clearly distinguishes between atypical sexual interests and mental disorders involving these desires or behaviors."

So with this said, it doesn't necessarily mean that u have fetishes that is unique for others would mean a psychological disorder. 


Source: DSM-V American Psychiatric Association. Retrieved from http://www.dsm5.org/Documents/Paraphilic%20Disorders%20Fact%20Sheet.pdf

Wednesday 8 April 2015

References

Anal. Merriam-Webster Dictionary Retrieved from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anal
Anal Beads About Retrieved from http://sexuality.about.com/od/anal_sex_toys/ht/use_anal_beads.htm

Consensual. Sex Etc.  Retrieved from http://sexetc.org/sex-ed/sex-terms/?pageNum=12

Sex-tionary

Hi Dear Readers,

I'm glad you bumped into my blog!

..Which means, just like I before, you are searching for terms that may help you understand the lifestyle you want to go into or rather, you're into now. Don't worry, this terms are NOT my own definition but rather definitions from different reliable sources i.e. merriam-webster, urban dictionary, etc.

If there's a term you're having difficulty to find, the search button is always there to help.
Anal
adjective \ˈā-nəl\   of, relating to, situated near, or involving the anus <an anal fin

Anal beads (Also known as Thai Beads) a series of balls connected by a cord or string, with a large ring at the other end (to prevent the beads from slipping into the anus and up the rectum). The beads can either start from small and progressively larger or of the same size. This is inserted to you anus and can be removed slowly or abruptly at the point of orgasm but beware. 


an-drog-y-nous (n-drj-ns) (adj)1. Biology Having both female and male characteristics; hermaphroditic.2. Being neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine, as in dress, appearance, or behavior. Androgyny is the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics. Sexual ambiguity may be in fashion, gender identity, sexual identity, or sexual lifestyle

consensus   /kənˈsensəsgeneral agreementan idea or opinion that is shared by all the people in the group. A behavior that both people agree to. In order for any sexual behavior to be consensual, each person must fully understand the situation and have the capacity to consent. "Consensual sex" means that no one was forced or manipulated into sexual behavior. If someone consents to one specific sexual behavior it does not mean that they have consented to all sexual behaviors.

consent
When a person agrees to a certain action or behavior. A person, in order to consent, must have the capacity to consent, which means they are not mentally disabled, under the influence of drugs or alcohol and are of legal age to be able to consent.

Capacity to Consent
A legal term that refers to someone’s ability to understand and make decisions. This can refer to receiving medical services or agreeing to sexual behaviors with a partner.
For example, a five year old would not have the capacity to consent to a medical service since they don’t have the knowledge to understand what was going to happen. Likewise, a person who is unconscious does not have the ability to make decisions about sexual behaviors.

Age of Consent
The age when a person is legally able to consent to sexual behaviors. It varies from state to state, but ranges between 14 and 18 years of age.


psycholagny (n.)[(rare)]
The ability to achieve orgasm without any physical stimulation of the genitalia, usually achieved through mental stimulation or fantasy alone.

Swinging (vb)
Also found in: Dictionary/thesaurus, Encyclopedia, Wikipedia.
(1) An extramarital relationship more driven by physical gratification than by polyamory—the desire to develop emotionally involved relationships with extramarital partners
(2) An alternative lifestyle for consenting adults who enjoy social recreational sexual activities with others, most often on a couple-to-couple basis, but may also involve singles, with full knowledge and mutual consent of both partners
Also see wife-swapping or partner-swapping



See References